14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child

Some words addressed to the child, we pronounce purely automatically, in a fit of anger or under stress, without even thinking about how much they ruin his life.

Psychologists are sure that we once heard similar phrases from our own parents, who also, incidentally, programmed us for future failures, failure and low self-esteem.

To eliminate the transmission of negative experience from generation to generation, you need to understand why you can not say certain phrases to children and how these harmful words prevent them from living.

"You will not begin to obey, it is necessary to give you to another's aunt"

Such words are not intended to scare the child, but to improve his behavior. It would seem that a good goal, and the result they really bring, because young children are very scary to part with their beloved mom. Why are psychologists sure that the child should never hear these phrases?

In such words there is no use, on the contrary, only negative consequences. For example, impressionable children can “earn” a neurosis due to numerous horror stories.

Having become a neurasthenic, the child will begin to "scare off" any rustles, strangers, but an awareness of the correct behavior will not come to him.

How correct?Adults need not to intimidate the child, but to explain to him in the most accessible language how to act correctly in a given situation, and also to warn him of what his mistakes will lead to.

"And why are you not born the same as your brother (little sister)?"

Brothers (sisters) and jealousy with rivalry are very often practically synonymous words.

Phrases for kidsChildren who constantly hear the comparison in favor of a close person begin to feel a feeling of dislike towards each other.

The phrase from the parents: “A sister can play the violin well, and you can’t learn the notes at all” demonstrates to the child that he doesn’t even have to try, since he will never reach the level of her sister.

In addition, the child just does not want to engage in the hobby, which succeeded his relative.

How correct?These are bad words, so instead of comparisons, try to encourage and praise each child for what he has become successful. Parents should not make a pet at all, but this, of course, ideally.

“If you eat like this, you will remain small and weak.”

Again, the “harmful” phrases that we speak in order to intimidate the child with negative consequences and prevent him from bad habits.

However, it is necessary to form a truly healthy lifestyle and the desire to eat healthy food not with the help of “horror stories”, but through positive motivation.

How correct?Tell or invent a tale or a fairy tale about a hero, a superhero who can defeat evil characters only thanks to the daily eating of semolina or oatmeal. Parents who do not refuse healthy foods will be suitable as a positive example.

“Why do you break everything all the time?”, “Don't touch, I’ll get better”

Some parents are confident that rough criticism on their part will contribute to the speedy development of independence, fine motor skills, dexterity and other skills in the child.

Talk to the babyBut in fact, the kid breaks various things because he is still learning everything, which means that he needs the support of his parents, and not their bad and rude comments.There is a possibility that the child will subsequently grow up as a non-initiative person.

How to talk?Instead of pointing out mistakes, the child should hear from the parents approval, a wish, how to do it, and a willingness to help if the baby himself expresses such a request.

“We can't buy it because we have no money”

Children are constantly begging to buy something: a toy, sweetness, a beautiful bauble.

However, with its frequent use, the child may find that the parents are not able to control their income or are simply chronic losers.

Older children will decide that adults are indifferent to their requests, since they immediately acquire an expensive car, but refuse to buy a new gadget.

What to say?The parental message to the child should seem positive: “We know that this thing is important for you, but for the time being we need to save money for ...” So the child will understand that parents save, including on themselves, and not only on it.

A small child needs to convey the idea that sweetness in large volumes is harmful.

"Do not fall!", "Do not jump!"

Why do such phrases break the lives of children? When we shout similar words to a child who is rushing rapidly from a hillock, we just distract his attention.

If the parents stop pulling him, he will most likely successfully complete his trick and safely escape various troubles.

14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child

In addition, the next time the baby will just be scared to do something if the adults constantly say such phrases. Moreover, psychologists are sure that the word “not” cannot be heard in these expressions, therefore, the wish acquires the exact opposite meaning.

How to?Wise parents make positive requests and commands, for example, instead of “Do not fall,” they say “Hold tight”, instead of “Do not skip” - “Stop”.

"You are older than little sister, therefore you must ..."

How easy it is for parents to label children the “senior” and “youngest”.

Meanwhile, experts have long noted that such family roles pose a serious danger to both the firstborn and the second child, restricting freedom of action and depriving children's actions of sincerity and naturalness.

Older children are forced to bear a heavy burden of responsibility, while the little ones remain infantile for a long time.

What words can I say?The child, including the firstborn, has the right to mistakes and their correction.Therefore, you should not force the older child to participate in the upbringing of the brother / sister.

It is not scary if he refuses to nurse, as he also has his own life. Just say that the youngest would be happy if he plays with him.

"You're the best", "The rest is worse than you a hundred times"

Why should children never hear such a phrase?

Phrase: "You are the best"It is believed that in such words there is no praise, but only the usual praises that can cause a kind of narcissism in a child.

But children will live in an environment in which few people will continue to show admiration for them.

Adult life is such that neither the teacher at the university, nor the employers will not admire the child’s skills, considering him to be a completely replaceable employee.

What words to praise?Of course, praise is obligatory in raising children, but they need to be dosed out and addressed to the child for a specific act or achievement: “It’s so great that you get five for dictation.”

“As we said, so be it!”

Again and again we, adults, refuse the child in his interests, desires, and even ordinary requests. However, such a word is not the best attempt to show firmness of character and will.

Such instructions, without the possibility of a child to express their own opinion, are quite hard pressure, which can end up with resistance or lack of initiative.

As life shows, in such words lies a certain danger - a child can grow a weak-willed person or a desperate rebel.

What steps to take?Wise parents are distinguished by their ability to insist on their own, which is combined with an explanation of why this should be done in this way.

In some situations, it is not scary to allow children to make a choice, to make mistakes, to reasonably defend their opinion.

"Stop crying and invent, in the dark is not scary"

Five- and six-year-olds are distinguished by a stormy imagination, so that in the “terrible” room horrible things and phenomena literally surround them.

Such violent fantasies, which are characteristic of children at this age, should never be ignored, and even more so one should not make fun of a child who is afraid of darkness and monsters under the crib.

What to do?Even the bravest little boy can be afraid of something that seems unimportant to parents.

If a child is afraid of a dark and scary room, go there together, open each locker, look under the bed and let him make sure that his fears are baseless.

“You have to do this!”

We often do not notice that some of our phrases break the whole initiative of the child.

Phrase: “You must do this!”For example, we rush to work, to an important meeting, so we don’t have extra time to explain why a child should turn off a laptop or go to a doctor.

The result is expressed in standard and common words: “You must do this!”. Let's just give an example: a child wants to play with friends who have long been waiting for him on the street, but does not want to visit his grandmother.

Should I put pressure on him and say that only bad children behave this way?

What is better to say?Life is a big non-stop lesson, why don't you unobtrusively teach a child a benevolent attitude towards elders? Explain that grandma is also in our family, so we must respect her.

Be sure to tell me that you understand how great was his desire to play on the street, but sometimes you need to take into account other people's interests.

"I do not like your friend"

Many parents have a prejudice against any friend or friend of the child. “Bad” friends will surely teach him something bad, get him involved in a terrible company and make him go down the slope.

However, psychologists warn: “bad” friends often like kids much more positive peers, no matter how many words you say against them.

What can we parents do?First, decide why this friend is unpleasant to you. Is he not from your circle or is he really capable of inculcating bad habits in a child? In the first case, it is better to remain silent.

There is no need to interfere in the child's life in this way and choose him more and friends. In the second case, speak frankly with the child, explaining your concerns. Just be aware of his hobbies and activities, to know what he does with this same friend.

"Are you a fool?" What do you do to me? ”

It would seem, how much has already been said about the dangers of such epithets in the direction of the child. Every mommy knows - it is forbidden to say the word "stupid", "little fool", "greedy" and other bad expressions to children.

Bad expressions

However, we hear them all the time on the playground, on the street, in the store, where exhausted parents infuriate the child’s behavior.

Of course, children who behave excessively actively, are able to cause any emotions, even negative ones, but you should not stoop to an insult.

What actions to take?First of all, take a few deep breaths and exhale, drink some water. Again, try to think of something good — an upcoming weekend, for example.

Those actions that now cause irritation, after a few hours will seem to you the usual absurdity. One more piece of advice - imagine the place where your boss child is. Would you start shouting in this case?

“I am tired of you”, “You will bring me to the grave”

Such a phrase is usually said in order for the child to understand the incorrectness of his behavior.

Phrase: "I'm tired of you"Again, you can understand the desire of parents to tell the kid about their own feelings and get the desired sympathy.

However, adults only confuse a child who wanted, perhaps, just to please them, to make them proud of his achievements.

Each word about the fatigue and torment of the parents not only does not give the child accurate information about the incorrectness of the act, but also inspires him with a sense of guilt.And this is fraught with high anxiety and neurotic states.

What to do?Adults should be disaccustomed to telling children only about their dissatisfaction, it is necessary to voice and the reasons that caused it.

Experts recommend using the so-called "I-message". We offer to compare your previous "weighty word": "I have already got tired of you" and "This noise tires me. Let's play some quiet game. ”

So, we have told, why it is impossible to say some seemingly harmless words. After all, with constant ambiguous phrases parents break the whole subsequent life, inflict trauma.

Of course, it is extremely difficult to re-program yourself only for a positive assessment of children's behavior, but if you understand that the child also lives with low self-esteem, which is formed as a result of such words, then it will be much easier to get rid of them.

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14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child

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14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child

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14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child

14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child

14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child

14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child 14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child 14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child 14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child 14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child 14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child 14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child 14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child 14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child 14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child 14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child 14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child 14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child 14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child 14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child 14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child 14 phrases that can never be spoken to a child